1.) Use of numerals. Example: Strasburg struck out ten and walked none. The sentence needs 10 instead of ten.
2.) Passive voice. Example: It was posted on their personal website by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The sentence needs Trey Parker and Matt Stone posted on their personal website.
3.) Capitalization of certain words. Example: Police chief- Police Chief.
1. Master Swimmers Blog- A Swimming Blog Written by a U.S. Master Swimmer
(This could be a good blog because it would encourage young or inexperienced swimmers to get lessons)
2. Swim Life
(This is a blog that gives advice and tips for swimmers. It would make sense to have a listing of places to get lessons)
3. Crazy Swim Dad
(It seems fitting that a dad would give other fathers ideas on where to take their children)
4. The Starting Block Swim Blog
(This blog discusses everything a swimmer would want to know)
5. Your YMCA and Welcome to It!
(This blog discusses programs that the YMCA offers)
I chose a story that was covered on WTOP radio about a band playing a gig at an Alexandria detention center. This was a story that immediately jumped out at me. The story, covered by Michelle Basch, is appropriately called “Inmates Rock Out”.
The story relied heavily on background noises. The first thing I noticed when listening was the live music playing in the background. The second noise came in the sound of an audience clapping. There are also audio interviews from some of the entertained inmates and the jail
Aspects of aural writing: Most of the sentences were short, right to the point, the background sounds seemed to be attractive to the ear, and a simple vocabulary.
I think it was different than a print story because it was short and to the point. It also used background sounds which could not be included in a written story unless it was briefly mentioned. The sentences were shorter than if they were in a written copy. I think the story would not be as effective without the background music. The story allowed the listener to imagine what it would be like to be at the concert.
When I looked on the front page of washingtonpost.com, I found a story on a shooting that happened in Southeast D.C. The story includes a picture gallery, a map of where the crime took place, video clips, links, and a comment box for others to put their thoughts. I thought the map was informative especially to those people who live in D.C. and visitors. I also thought it was a good idea that they chose to incorporate videos and a gallery where people could see the crime scene and also hear from people who live near Southeast D.C. For examining the web package aspect of the story, I clicked on the link to a “crime blog”. I never click on outside links but I did for this assignment. However, I thought it was an interesting part of the overall website because it provides information about different crimes that take place. I think that the web package enhanced the story and only provided more information to the reader.
An 83-year-old woman defended herself against a pair of men who attempted to rob her at gunpoint outside of a Fairfax McDonald’s yesterday afternoon.
D’ Andre Shields, sergeant of the Fairfax County Police Department, said Delia Moss swung her purse and knocked the gun into the bushes. Police arrested one suspect, Josh Auerbach, of Annandale. The second suspect is still at large.
Questions-
1.) Were there any witnesses outside of the McDonald’s?
2.) Was Delia Moss injured during the incident?
3.) What time in the afternoon did the attempted robbery occur?
4.) How is Delia Moss doing now?
5.) Are there any leads on the second suspect?
On an early Sunday morning, three students from Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to the hospital due to alcohol poisoning.
The three students are Press Martin, from Shetar, New Hampshire; Al Amalek, from Nashville, TN; Rob Smith, from here in town. Martin and Smith were released Monday morning while Amalek is still there and listed in critical condition.
A statement from the university: “Our initial investigation indicates that these young men were at a party at the ABZ house. A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed. Based on that, we are suspending the fraternity and its activities on campus. We have yet to decide how long the suspension will last.”
The University president, Harvey Smithville, restated the policy banning alcohol from fraternity houses located on campus property. Any fraternity will be suspended and a second offense will result in a ban that lasts five years. The university will also consider increasing its police patrols of fraternity houses on weekends.
Interfraternity Council president Bart Addison agrees that alcohol has no place at fraternity parties. However, he believes that the whole fraternity should not be punished for the actions of a few members. He will ask President Smithville to reconsider his suspension of the ABZs.
I found an interesting story on WTOP.com about a new addition to the National Zoo. The story is about a giant Pacific octopus that was brought to the zoo in January. This story is interesting because it’s not about a panda or a lion. A story about octopus would be expected in a story about the Baltimore Aquarium. The story was able to provide all of the basic information effectively. The one thing that I wish they did differently is leave out the last paragraph. I don’t think it is very important to tell the readers facts about the weight of a Pacific octopus. I also found it interesting that no one reported on the story until late this month instead of when the octopus came to the zoo back in January. The only other article about the octopus was posted on a zoo website. The WTOP.com article is more interesting because it keeps the story ‘short and sweet’ rather than providing facts that anyone could easily read on the walls of the exhibit.
Over this past weekend, three students from Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity, diagnosed with alcohol poisoning, were admitted to the hospital. University PR office said there had been an ABZ party.
The three students are Press Martin, junior in engineering; from Shetar, New Hampshire; Al Amalek, freshman majoring in liberal arts, from Nashville, TN; Rob Smith, sophomore in business, from here in town. They were admitted early Sunday morning at various times. Martin and Smith were released Monday morning while Amalek is still there and listed in critical condition.
A statement from the university: “Our initial investigation indicates that these young men were at a party at the ABZ house. A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed. Based on that, we are suspending the fraternity and its activities on campus. We have yet to decide how long the suspension will last.”
Many people are concerned with drinking at fraternity parties. Recently, a couple of students, one at LSU and one at MIT, died from alcohol poisoning. The University president, Harvey Smithville, restated the policy banning alcohol from fraternity houses located on campus property. Any fraternity will be suspended and a second offense will result in a ban that lasts five years.
Interfraternity president Bart Addison is “shocked that the incident occurred. However, I do not believe that the entire fraternity should be punished. I am going to ask President Smithville to reconsider his suspension.”
University might increase its police patrols of fraternity houses on weekends.
Straight News- ‘Family Ties’ actor Bonsall arrested_again
BOULDER, Colo. — Former “Family Ties” actor Brian Bonsall has been arrested again in Colorado, this time on a charge of using marijuana in violation of the terms of his release.
Anecdotal– U.S. stuns Canada in Olympic men’s hockey
VANCOUVER, B.C. –When U.S. Olympic hockey player Jamie Langenbrunner scored in the final period Sunday night, a shot ricocheting off of his skate blade into the net, he just about jumped out of the arena with joy. This wasn’t exactly a miracle on ice, but elements of it had become pretty difficult to believe.
Question– The Misfits: A young speedskater’s training marathon involves the whole family
How’s your exercise routine going? Are you hitting the gym consistently, putting in your 30 minutes a day, maybe even 60? Are you doing your reps, pounding out the miles, sticking with the program — even in the face of work and family obligations and the hassles posed by the weather? Feeling pretty good about that?
Bad Lead– Not exactly a ringing endorsement
Lisa Oakley knows that some studies on long-term use of cellphones suggest an increased correlation with cancerous tumors. And she knows of a couple of people who have had brain tumors, and wonders whether their cellphones had anything to do with it.
I think this is a bad lead because it doesn’t suck the reader into the story. Cell phones might be the reason for some tumors but there are also other causes of people getting tumors. I think that the writer could find a more interesting way to bring the reader into the story.
PROTEST
A group of citizens, led by pastor Wilbur Straking of Ever-Faithful Church of the Living Water, are angry because a University biology class is teaching evolution.
Straking: “I plan to lead a group of dedicated Christians to the state capital next Monday to speak with the legislators about this problem. We believe that teaching of evolution is against the principles of Christianity, and we want to put a stop to it.” The class they are objecting to is taught by Laura Cliff, the associate professor of biology. She wouldn’t comment on the group’s accusations nor would the university president.
